March '20

The Supreme Sock Council recently sought to discover the beginnings of human civilization, the actual cradle of human-ness.

The first pitch sounded promising: “It is clothes, because only clothes make a man!” In spite of the popularity of these Czech song lyrics, we had to reject the idea as untrue. Larvae of caddisflies, winged insects that undergo complete metamorphosis, build a fashionable mantle for themselves out of anything they can find around them. True, stones glued together with saliva are not (perhaps yet) the highlight of Parisian fashion, but under our definition, they count as clothes.

Luckily, neither caddisfly larvae nor any other species create anything to cover their lower extremities. Our conclusion, although a little self-serving on the face, is unambiguous: The uniqueness of humanity lies not in clothing for the body, but for the lower limbs. People are not defined by attire, but rather by sockwear. Ironically, this conclusion does not help our cause. Socks with sock motifs would be like an apfelstrudel with puff pastry filling: Somewhat dry.

However, sometimes the correct solution is the one right in front of our eyes. If you are able to divert your eyes at least fora moment from this intriguing letter, you will surely spot several straight lines, edges and borders in your surroundings. Unlike people, nature does not draw using a ruler. So, if there is a symbol of human superiority in nature, it would have to be a straight line. That is why the person who drew the imaginary starting line for human civilization surely tried to make it as straight as possible.